I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
