I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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