jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
