i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
