go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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