I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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