New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
