i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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