is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize