Can i not drive my cunt home
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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