Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
