cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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