South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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