she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
