Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
