I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
