Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
