oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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