So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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