we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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