You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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