she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize