I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
