I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
