She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
