She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
