The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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