Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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