We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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