I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
