Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
it's great music for shaving your balls
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
