i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
