ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
