I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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