no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
