I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
