$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
