i wish my penis had a tongue
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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