where am i from again
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
