i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
