One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
