i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
