Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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