I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
