Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
