what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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