If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
