Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
tell me about the fingering
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