last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
