did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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