Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
