one two three fourrrrnication!
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
