we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Houston, we have a blender
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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