I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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