just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
