I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
