Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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