I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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