sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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