The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
