People in love make me want to vomit
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
