just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
