I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
kristin has been a bad kristin
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
zippers are such a cool invention
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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